I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
