I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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