You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
