you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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