Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
