Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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