Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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