I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
