And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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