There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
