Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
