I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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