Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you didnt know i had herpes?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My bed smells like the plague
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
