my mouth tastes like poor choices
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
