I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
