She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
