It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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