I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
