What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
