i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
two words...techno handjob
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
