You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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