You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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