Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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