Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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