I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
