No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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