How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
