she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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