i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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