what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
