you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
