She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
