Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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