We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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