i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The adults are the big ones right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
