i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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