the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
