Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
