if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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