the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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