o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
