He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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