mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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