i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
