I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
