I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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