Tell her she can't have a vagina
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
