I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
