Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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