but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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