Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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