no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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