you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
