I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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