dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
