You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
