Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
