So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
