All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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