can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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