If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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