did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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