I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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