i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
