If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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