A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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