Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
