..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
