I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
