Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
