My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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