I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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