OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
