I've blown a few things in my day
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
