Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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