Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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