im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
