hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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