I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
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I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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