My liver just broke up with me...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
