Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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