omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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