Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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