Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So squirting runs in the family.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
