Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
