I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
