so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
