So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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