I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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