I will die if light touches me.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
