Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
